One version to rule them all.

Yay! Leopard is coming today. Finally, my Boot Camp will become a real program, just like Pinocchio.

“We think Leopard is the richest OS X release yet,” Brian Croll, Apple’s senior director of Software Product Marketing, told Macworld. “There is one version of Leopard — the ultimate version.”

Not four versions, and half the price of Vista. Oh yeah, and it'll work, too. Nice feature, that.

Hilarious, but not real.

Who knows what the Lisa was? Show of hands? That's what I thought. I never saw one, but I heard about it. Lisa was the precursor to the Macintosh.

Apple released the Lisa in January of 1983 for $9,995, and the similar Macintosh was released a year later for $2,495.

How's that for an early-adopter tax? Brutal. This article is funny. Sort of.

It's officially jewelry now.

I said all along that the miniscule 2nd gen iPod Shuffle was jewelry, not a gadget. Here's an 18K-gold-plated version. Costs a bit more than the normal one, though: over $19,000.

iPhone update.

I have nothing to say, I just found this picture and wanted to post it.

Nobody holds an iPhone like that, but I had to look at this pic about six times before I noticed.

NOW will you buy one?

They laughed when I said I was waiting for the iPhone Shuffle.

Rumors say that Apple is working on a Nano version of the iPhone that'll sell for about half the price. Will you buy one then?

We drank the Kool-Aid.

I know that most of you think we couldn't be more Apple Zombies than we are now. However, I really had not planned to get this thing. For me, this is a step like going from Level VI Thetan to Level VII (although much cheaper, according to what I've heard).

Saturday morning, I said, "Honey, I think maybe we should buy a Tivo." She said, "You know, what I really want is an iPhone." This is how we make important decisions.

I called the Apple Store (OMG I love having one in town) and I said, "Got any phones?" She laughed and said, "Yeah." No line today, although a lot of people were poking and sampling.

So there ya go. We have new Colorado phone numbers, those of you who need to know contact me through the usual channels. I've already called a few.

I can't say much about using the thing (my old phone was a worthless piece of shit, so anything looks good by comparison), although it is gorgeous and of course, setup took about 10 seconds and it completely synced with my MacBook Pro.

I do like this Apple company.

Steve Jobs wants what I want.

Steve Jobs wants DRM-free music. Me too. The Big Four won't let him sell music without DRM on the iTunes Music Store. Here are some excerpts from a recent open letter.

Why would the big four music companies agree to let Apple and others distribute their music without using DRM systems to protect it? The simplest answer is because DRMs haven’t worked, and may never work, to halt music piracy.

In 2006, under 2 billion DRM-protected songs were sold worldwide by online stores, while over 20 billion songs were sold completely DRM-free and unprotected on CDs by the music companies themselves. The music companies sell the vast majority of their music DRM-free, and show no signs of changing this behavior, since the overwhelming majority of their revenues depend on selling CDs which must play in CD players that support no DRM system.

More on this stuff from Xeni at BoingBoing and Macworld.

The iPhone countdown.

In case you can't wait for until June for your iPhone, here is where you can count down the minutes and other such measurements of time. Also, you can download a PDF papercraft iPhone to impress chicks from across the bar.

Personally, I'm waiting for the iPhone Shuffle. It has room for only about 200 songs and no internet hookup or OS X, but still the cool phone interface. Oh yeah, and it's cheaper.

I am embarrassed.

The new MacBooks have motion sensors designed to shut off and lock the hard drive if the machine suffers a big motion shift, like if it's dropped. I wish you had one so you could use MacSaber.

Yes, the rumors are true. It fires up noises just like a lightsaber. Yes, it's also true that I am fucking done with StarWars, and I have been ragging on the Wii and its motion sensor controller. (I found MacSaber at Wii have a problem.) However, I think it's cool that I can make lightsaber noises with my laptop. I turn this on and rock my laptop back and forth and I can't help but laugh out loud. I think maybe I'm a loony.

It's a nice computer, but how are the commercials?

I am mortified to admit that I have an Intel Core Duo processor under my hands as I type because of their hideous spastic dancing commercials. Rest assured, that little chip has not made me starve myself to Heroin Chic and begin St. Vitus' Dance.

However, on the plus side, the Mac vs. PC commercials are still funny. Even more so now that I have one of each.

Another week, another MacBook Pro.

Last Friday, I got a brand new MacBook Pro. This Friday, I got another brand new MacBook Pro.

I couldn't get Boot Camp to work. My laptop would not mount (heh, he said "mount") the Windows XP disk. It mounted other CDs. It mounted DVDs. It even mounted other Windows formatted CDs. But not that damned XP disk.

I took the XP disk back to CompUSA and told them my computer wouldn't read it. I didn't tell them it was a Mac... figured that would be too confusing. They were real nice and gave me another one. Didn't work.

I looked online for some support. The discussion forums at Apple have very nice helpful people, but they didn't solve my problem. Finally, in a fit of logic, I tried the disk in LWC's matching MacBook. It worked fine.

A light bulb went on over my head, as I realized that something was probably wrong with my disk drive. I had already sent a nasty letter to Boot Camp support saying how I was losing my faith with Apple customer service and quality, but I made an appointment with the Genius Bar (yes, it's really called that) at our local Apple Store (yay for living in a bigger city).

After some messing around, Mike my personal Genius got another brand new MacBook Pro from their stock and said, "I need about 20 minutes to transfer your data. And I need your original box." We went home to get the box (still had it in the garage) and returned to pick up my brand new brand new Mac. I bid a fond farewell to the first one, remembering fondly the seven days we had spent together. Then I kicked it real hard. Mike restored all my faith in Apple in a single fell swoop. It was fell, trust me.

Tonight, I played our new Pirates game (Windows only, no Mac client) on my brand new brand new this week's updated better version MacBook Pro.

I CAN BOOT IN OS X OR WINDOWS. I CAN DO ANYTHING. THE WORLD IS MY GOD DAMNED FUCKING OYSTER.

Apple hates WoW.

On this features page for Leopard, the new operating system for Macintosh, Apple actually mentions how you can use it to limit your child's World of Warcraft playing time. Harsh. Luckily, I'm using an ancient OS called Tiger, which puts me twice removed from this kind of Nazi-like behavior. Proper parental controls exist in the brains of the parents and children, not in a computer. Besides, if your tyke is savvy enough to level to 60, he can probably figure out how to turn this off.

Tiger on a G4?

I'm having computer woes, and nothing makes me more woeful. I've reinstalled 10.3.9 Panther (archive & install) and now my Apple programs don't work (Mail, Safari, Stickies, even Disk Utility). I've booted from a CD and repaired permissions, no help.

Before I backup, erase and reinstall everything, I'm considering the upgrade to 10.4 Tiger. (Do I have those names right? Jesus!) Are any of you running Tiger on a G4? Can an old 867 dual processor G4 MDD handle the new system?

I am a Sad Panda.

Dance of the Laptops.

We saw this on Buffy and Angel. Producer of show wants another laptop for his daughter, so when script calls for prop, show buys another 17-inch Macintosh PowerBook. Unfortunately, legal dudes report that the show can't afford to pay for the product endorsement, so put a post-it over that big illuminated fruit.

Now it's happening on Veronica Mars, My Favorite Television Show. In one scene, a character pulls her friend's laptop out of her oversized bag... Hey, look! Another 17-inch PowerBook. It's handed to the other character upside down, so the fruit light can't be seen.

My favorite twist on the whole issue is that sometimes on Veronica Mars, My Favorite Television Show, when the laptop is open, they obscure the Apple logo with... a bowl of apples.

The cleverness never stops.

"My day is complete. Veronica Mars has accused me of evil." (Twist imaginary mustache.)

All-new blog post.

So many things in contemporary American society are reruns, repeats, and retreads that the phrase "all-new" is used to denote something which might actually have a spark of originality contained within. This goes for TV shows, cars, computers, TCGs, and movies. Sometimes it's even used against us, like The All New, All Purpose Joy of Cooking, which is their way of saying, "Look! It's not a reprint of the old book! It's all-new!" Which of course, it isn't, or it wouldn't have anything to do with The Joy of Cooking, which dates back to 1931. Marketing like this only works when new becomes unusual because derivative is the norm. Sad, ain't it?

Yet another Apple downgrade.

I bought QuickTime Pro, for the first time ever, for version 6.0. Thirty bucks, and I enjoyed some of the extra features. Evidently, I have accidentally upgraded to version 7.0 using Software Update, and now my QuickTime Pro features are all gone. They want me to pay to upgrade again. THIS IS NOT AN UPGRADE. This is a ripoff. It is inexcusable that there was not a clear message that I would be losing features by selecting their "upgrade."

The same thing happens to iTunes all the time. Some clever programmer makes an add-on with a new feature, and then Apple makes sure the new "upgrade" to iTunes disallows that feature. It's not an upgrade when my program loses functionality as a result. At the very least, there should be a clear message from the manufacturer that says, "If you do this, you won't be able to do that anymore."

Amazingly, all the sites like download.com also direct you to version 7.0, whether you want it or not. It's not only a ripoff, it's a conspiracy too. I remember when you only had to pay for system software when the big number changed. System 6.0 cost some money, but not 6.1. Now they want me to buy 10.4. Which I haven't done, and I won't until I have to.

UPDATE (irony there): I did find an official Apple "downgrader," that uninstalls 7.0 and reinstalls 6.5.2. (I guess I'm not the only user with this problem.) Then I had to go to the Apple Store to get my Pro key, but now it's installed and fixed. I still think they should have told me up front.

Apple leads the way for tsunami relief.

Apple's home page has no product ads at all, with nothing but tsunami relief links and a heartfelt message. Microsoft's home page is selling Windows XP Media Center and is more worried about stamping out spam. I like Apple better. Again.

UPDATE: Why the heck do I link to things like this when I know they're going to change? Well, this is now an exercise for the reader, and don't click on the links, they won't help. Sic transit interweb.

Roman Numerals Are Stupid.

The Romans made lots of cool stuff, but their numerals sucked. Why these things were not outlawed in 1999 (MCMXCIX), I have no idea. I guess the thrill of the upcoming 2000 (MM) was too much to ignore. The stupidest part is things like 4 and 9, which are symbolized as "one less than the next number." What the hell is going on with that? Why isn't 99 written IC?

Mistake #1 (that's "1," not "I," which is a pronoun): You think they're cool when you start low. Super Bowl I (which wasn't called that in those early days) sounds much cooler than "Super Bowl XXXVIII." Honestly, just take a glance at that and try to figure out what that number is. It's a train wreck with lots of cars.

Mistake #2 (that's "2," not "II," which means "the second"): When you get sick of Arabic numerals, you resort to Roman numerals. The Macintosh operating system worked fine through numbers like 6 and 7, but when they got to 10, that was too much to bear, so now we have "OS X." Where is OS IX? How can you use different numerals in the same sequence? 1, 2, 3, XL... it's reprehensible. For the love of God, XL is a shirt size, not a number.

Our society is infested with X's, and you can never tell which ones are tens and which ones are really X's: The Ten-Men? Malcolm Ten? Oh-Ess-Ex? X has lots of other problems, like when they tell you that X is for "experimental," which is a subject for another time.

I suggest that when you decide to name something "Thing I" you seriously consider the horror that results when you get to the thirty-eighth version. Think ahead, for God's sake.

A prerequisite should be established for any use of Roman numerals by an advertising campaign, sports league, government, or political activist: If you can't do calculus with Roman numerals, you can't use them. The Compvter Romanvs is forbidden for such a test, of course.

Let's face it folks: Roman numerals are inferior to Arabic numerals, current political situation notwithstanding. Don't ever use them. Always pronounce them as letters and not numbers, just to annoy people who think they're cool. Join with me in celebration of Super Bowl Ex Ex Ex Ix, coming soon.