Apostrophes 'R' us.

The way I quote myself works is not entirely understood.

Want one of those!

Merriam-Webster's word of the year (is this really necessary?) is "woot." Of course, then they try to explain it.

1. w00t (interjection)
expressing joy (it could be after a triumph, or for no reason at all); similar in use to the word "yay"

Note that they spell "w00t" with two zeroes. Quite the leetage.

The way I quote myself works is not entirely understood.

Quote of the day.

The strategy of Bingo. The excitement of Chess.

I got that from Tom McMahon's blog. I found that looking for "The Last NFL Scoreless Tie," searching during the Mud Bowl the other night (which I enjoyed tremendously). Anyway, that's why they call it "browsing" or "surfing." I found a great Simpsons quote there too, from Dr. Hibbert in "Treehouse of Horror VI."

Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town.

The way I quote myself works is not entirely understood.

Close does not count.

Seagate, makers of hard drives for computers, have been caught lying. They say that a gigabyte equals a billion bytes of storage.

On a 1GB drive, this would make the difference between one billion bytes of storage, and 1,073,741,824 bytes. Other manufacturers, such as Samsung and Hitachi, also measure hard-drive capacity with 1KB equalling 1,000 bytes, whereas all operating systems are based on 1KB equalling 1,024 bytes.

But they're wrong, and they'll pay you money if you bought a product from them. You'd think that computer hardware manufacturers could get this right. Use your words, and know what they mean.

Hoopleheads.

Much has been made about the language used on the HBO series Deadwood. Most talk about the use of profanity. Many of you would say that when you think of Deadwood, you think of the word "cocksucker."

However, much of the dialog on the show is like poetry, and there are many unusual words. Characters use the word "poor" or "poorly" instead of "sick," for example.

One word stands out among many for me as the unique word of the series: Hooplehead. David Milch admits he pretty much grabbed it out of the air. The indefatigible Michael Quinion assays that it might derive from a comic strip, but there's not even a Wikipedia entry for it.

Used most often by Albert Swearingen, its always used in third person, never as a direct accusation. It's obviously derogatory, and doesn't appear to be a racial slur. As words go, it's a fine word to describe those who have done foolish things.

Some good names not taken yet.

Since carmakers make more money on SUVs, they make lots of different models. Many more SUVs than coupes or sedans these days. Unfortunately, the folks in charge of naming these things are completely overwhelmed. Used to be that an auto manufacturer would create a new model every three years or so, but they're rushing these environment-destroying death-traps to market like new sandwiches at McDonald's.

So what are they using as names for these McGriddle mobiles? Interestingly, I'll mention the first thing they're not doing any more: animals. Since the Ford Bronco, there hasn't been another animal name. Weep for the critters.

Since the Ford Explorer, there have been many outdoorsy names. Navigator? Explorer? TrailBlazer? Pathfinder? These are good ones, probably the best, and seemingly appropriate. I'm not going to get into the issue that 99% of these "outdoorsy" SUV owners never get their tires dirty.

Special credit here for the Subaru Forester, which to me invokes an image of deforestation, which is a wink to say, "We know these vehicles are destroying the Earth, but don't say it out loud."

Lots of companies use letters for model names, and that's an old tradition going back to the Model T. MKX? SRX? HHR? Sure, I guess that's okay.

Places? Again, a classic naming strategy like the Malibu, Bel Air, and Camaro. So Santa Fe, Acadia, Denali, they evoke more outdoorsy images, that's good.

Subaru also makes the Tribeca, which is a place, but it's a neighborhood in Manhattan. That's got to be some kind of mistake. What are they thinking there at Subaru?

We'll give the Volkswagen Touareg a pass here, since it's named for a nomadic tribe. Nobody can pronounce that word, however, and that's a minus.

Kia Sportage - What the heck is a "sportage"? Is that like when Buffy says "slayage"?
Honda Element - Perhaps the worst name for a vehicle ever.
Dodge Nitro - Whoa, that one sounds safe! Reminds me of the inflammable Pinto.
Suzuki Grand Vitara - Suzuki again! What is a "vitara," and how does it get "grand"?
Chevrolet Equinox - Like a broken clock, right only twice a year.
Pontiac Torrent - Because it takes a torrent of gas to fill it up?
Buick Rendezvous - Ooh, it's French, and it's lame.
Ford Freestyle - You can do whatever you want, as long as you get to a gas station once each hour.
Isuzu Ascender - Probably for climbing onto curbs and across medians illegally.
Buick Enclave - Enough room for a whole tribe inside?
Nissan Armada - Could be a step in the right direction, see below.
Ford Escape - Escape from what? Carbon offsets? Miles per gallon?
Ford Edge - "Edge" is not a name. Especially for that guy that can't play guitar.
Saturn Relay - You need two or more of these to get where you're going. And a baton.
Buick Terraza - The terrace. I don't get it.

Here are my suggestions for SUV names. I think there's a large, untapped resource here. I freely offer these to the auto industry.

Chevrolet Crusher
Buick Ballbuster
Saturn Executioner
Ford Slayer
Nissan Liquidator
Isuzu Annihilator
Suzuki Eradicator
Pontiac Mutilator
Dodge Destroyer
Honda Hellraiser
Kia Killer

Gotta love those drug companies.

A new acid reflux medicine is called "AcipHex." It's pronounced exactly like "ass effects." You have to hear the commercial to believe it.

A new allergy medicine includes this disclaimer: "The way Veramyst works is not entirely understood." Can't that be said about any medicine? I guess it's nice for them to be so upfront about it.

Infuckingfixing.

Neil Gaiman has a most delightful blog, in which he relates things he has learned and by which we can learn them too. It turns out that words like "absofuckinglutely" have a grand linguistic heritage.

An infix is an affix inserted inside another morpheme. This is common in Austronesian and Austroasiatic languages. For example, the Tagalog language has borrowed the English word graduate as a verb. In this language, a grammatical form similar to the active voice is formed by adding the infix to the first syllable of a verb, so a speaker saying "I graduated" uses the derived form grumaduate.

It's called "infixing." When Snoop Dogg says "hizouse" and "shiznit," he is also infixing. There's a special entry for expletive infixation with many delightful examples. Fanfuckingtastic.

Commoncase, I miss you.

A popular trend in the 80s, "commoncase" is the use of mixed capital and lowercase letterforms in the same font.

I've always liked this, and I can't really say why. Evidently it's unheard of now... Google and Wikipedia searches came up with nothing. Typography is all but dead now anyway, so I guess this is just another casualty. Somebody at Just Brakes knows what's going on, though.

That darn Congress.

Your House of Representatives questioned hip-hop artists about their objectionable lyrics. (Evidently they could find nothing more important to discuss.) I wish to God that one of those artists had responded like this:

"Congressman, when you say 'f-word,' do you mean 'fork'? Or 'flag'? I don't know what words you are talking about. I know what words I wrote and sang in my song, but I don't think you know what I wrote or said. If we're here to talk about words, tell me what words you are most concerned with, rather than speaking baby talk."

I hate all this pussyfooting around.

All the good names were taken.

This is a Saturn world-killing death-trap SUV called "Relay." Honestly, can't they come up with anything else? Someone once said to Strong Guy, "You must be X-Factor!" and his reply was, "Yeah, all the good names were taken." This from a guy named "Strong Guy."

There's a difference.

Hell yeah I want to see Shoot 'Em Up this weekend. Unfortunately, there's a problem.

There's a difference between an apostrophe and a single open quote. The official "Shoot 'Em Up" logo has the wrong one. It should be an apostrophe, but it's a single open quote. You should never use an open quote, single or double, without a close quote.

You can see this tragedy on the movie's website. I should have added this to my list of Things I Don't Like, lousy apostrophes. Or maybe a new list of Crimes Against Typography. We can lump in here as well the department store signs that say "Mens" and "Womens" without using an apostrophe at all.

What's your superhero name?

I learned this from the Psych TV show website. (Make sure you read Gus' blog, it's awesome.)

Take the word "The," your favorite color, and your dad's automobile.

I'm "The Red Rocket 88."

Naughty words discussed with maturity.

This is an article about swearing and cursing that discusses the issues in a mature manner and doesn't use stupid abbreviations like "f___" or "n-word." The language provides the tools and this article uses them.

Oh, snap!

Very short stories.

This has been circulating around The Tubes a while, but hell, it's fun. Six-word short stories.

A couple from me:

"How I Like It"
Coffee ground, in freezer. Like women.
(It's a joke, don't get all weirded out.)

"Homewrecker"
Best friend left wife. Married her.

Wisdom of fingernails.

That's what Jeff Bridges said about The Dude. He oughta know.

For me, the Dude has a certain type of wisdom. I like to call it the "Wisdom of Fingernails": the wisdom that gives you the ability to make your hair and fingernails grow, your heart beat, your bowels move. These are things that we know how to do, but we don't necessarily know how we know how to do them, yet still we do them very well.

You can put that next to l'esprit de l'escalier in the Guideposts to Life file cabinet. I'm not sure there's a connection there, but I already typed it, I can't take it back now.

Triskaidekaphobia.

It's Friday the 13th. You can celebrate by spending the day on the 13th floor of a tall building... oh wait, you can't, because our society is stupid and superstitious.

There's actually a word for being afraid of Friday the 13th: paraskavedekatriaphobia. Thank God we have lots of Greek words to put together like a German train wreck. I love this fact:

"It's been estimated that [U.S] $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day because people will not fly or do business they would normally do."

It's the 21st century, people! Here is an extensive history of Friday the 13th, filled with ancient anecdotes that are pure bullshit.

Word of the day: Vexillology.

Vexillology is the scholarly study of flags. (So says Our Lady of the Wikipedia.) I love logos, and flags are like logos. It's corporate identity for a nation's government. In fact, there are five basic principles:

1. Keep It Simple: The flag should be so simple that a child can draw it from memory.
2. Use Meaningful Symbolism: The flag’s images, colors, or patterns should relate to what it symbolizes.
3. Use 2–3 Basic Colors: Limit the number of colors on the flag to three, which contrast well and come from the standard color set.
4. No Lettering or Seals: Never use writing of any kind or an organization’s seal.
5. Be Distinctive or Be Related: Avoid duplicating other flags, but use similarities to show connections.

The related part of #5 explains all those crazy Scandinavian flags I can't tell apart.
(Shown is the glorious banner of my Nation States nation, a proud member of the region of Decipheria, known as Shocho. Oops, I broke #4.)

The word count.

This could be the start of a meme. How do those things get started, anyway? Search your blog for these words and tell me what the count is. In fact, I've added percentages, since your blog may have more posts than mine. Of course, that's extra math, and that's like homework, but suck it up.

love - 111 - 10.3%
hate - 42 - 3.9%
like - 50 - 4.7%
dislike - 4 - 0.3%
fuck - 44 - 4.1%
shit - 39 - 3.6%
asshole - 4 - 0.3%
cocksucker - 1 - 0.1%

Fascinating stuff. I don't like "dislike," preferring stronger phrases, such as "hate that" or "fuck that." One of the times I said "asshole" I was referring to myself. The only person I have ever called a cocksucker on my blog is Steve Jobs, go figure. More "love" than "hate," that's a wonderful thing. I have to go pick daisies and chase butterflies now.