Jack Bauer, Eco-Warrior!

What if Jack Bauer was more concerned about his carbon offsets than terrorist agendas? Here's a script written by a Simpsons writer that's a real hoot. A couple of weeks ago, I didn't know anything about my carbon offsets...

A beat later, a city bus rounds the corner. Jack Bauer is on board.

Int. Bus - CONTINUOUS

JACK BAUER
Follow that Prius! Can't you drive any faster?

BUS DRIVER
If this is too slow for you, drive yourself.

JACK BAUER
And contribute eight thousand pounds of CO2 to the atmosphere? Then I'd be the worst terrorist of all. Ever think about that, [LOOKS AT NAMETAG] Doug?