Monday, September 17, 2007

Whose super powers do you want?

A Rich Guy I Know in my carpool asked the question, "Whose super powers would you want to have?" He said he wanted the powers of the Silver Surfer. Travel through space faster than the speed of light, fly through suns, stuff like that. Cool board.

Dr. Heimlich's reaction was: "You want the power of tourism?" We pressed the Good Doctor for his choice, even though he is an avowed not-fan of comic books. He chose Tess, from the 4400, who has mind control powers. Awesome choice, I think.

First I thought of God. The guy has awesome powers. I don't want the job description, but we're talking only the powers here. Only Old Testament (first issue) God: floods, locusts, pillars of salt, that kind of thing.

I felt that was kind of pretentious, so I thought some more. I considered Batman, but hell, he's just a rich guy with lots of toys. Sure, I'd love to have a Batboat and a cave beneath my own mansion, but let's face it: I already have Batman's super powers. He doesn't have any.

My next choice, reinforced the next day by a T-shirt I have, was Green Lantern. Near God-like powers, just the daily recharge and the yellow problem. Hal Jordan is my fave, he's a test pilot with a hottie girlfriend, but again, we're just talking the powers here. Then, it dawned on me: I also have all of Green Lantern's super powers! He doesn't have any!

I was secretly thinking about The Flash, but after the hard time we gave to that Rich Guy about the Surfer, really all the Flash does is go places fast. Cool uniform, though, and he does actually have powers.

I'm embarrassed, as a big X-Men fan (especially the Jim Lee years), that I can't pick an X-Man right off the top of my head. I really just want to blast stuff to bits, like Cyclops, although he's boring as hell. I want to fly, too. Flying and energy blasts, I think that's what I want.

Hey, Iron Man can fly and has repulsor beams! Oh shit... alcoholic, bad ticker, but still no super powers. Lame.

There is an amazing list of super powers in Wikipedia. This has been a great help in my search. First, I found Havok, the X-Man who absorbs cosmic energy (it's everywhere... look, there goes some now!) and saves it up to blast things. Scott Summers' brother, but not as boring. But Havok doesn't fly.

Alright, so here's where I am now. I can't pick Superman. I just can't. Flight, heat vision... actually heat vision is kind of lame. I can't pick the Big Blue Boy Scout, even devoid of all his stupid support character baggage (we're just talking powers here).

So I've taken the path of least resistance, straight to the near God-like. Which is where I started anyway. Here's my choice, which is based not on his hair color or eyebrows, both of which I share...

Magneto, Master of Magnetism!

I provide for your enjoyment the cover of Uncanny X-Men #274, in which Rogue was sent to the Savage Land, where she lost her powers. Rogue and Magneto became "an item" as you can see from their lusty clinch on this cover.

I figure they rutted like wild weasels since poor young nubile sexy Rogue (thank you, Jim Lee) couldn't touch anybody but suddenly hot damn let's get busy over and over again yee hah!

Now that I've finished my torturous journey... whose super powers do you want?


George Haberberger said...

Well hell, I'll pick Superman. Why wouldn't I? Flight, invulnerbility, strength. It's the whole package and there is a reason he is the lifeblood from which all other superheroes flow.

Enrique said...

I want to decide who lives and who dies.

Anonymous said...

You want to be Judge Judy?

stingite said...

I always liked Warlock from the New Mutants. He had incredible powers that all his alien race possessed, but what made him a mutant was his compassion, which his alien race lacked. Later on after dying, a group of people used his ashes to induce mutant powers on themselves.

Mkae said...

I gotta go with Shazam. Technically, Billy Batson doesn't have powers, but with the utterance of a single word you get the power to fly, beat the shit out of anything, including Superman, and well...not much else.

Dave(id) said...

No question, I'd be Captain Planet.

From the wiki:
"he can fly, has great strength, the ability to blow hurricane force winds, telepathy, telekinesis, shapeshifting, matter transmutation, and virtually any other super-power required by the circumstances currently facing him"

I bet he even has a hybrid car.

Allen said...

Franklin Richards. Reality manipulation is the way to go, folks.

(Well, if you're going to have delusions, might as well go for the really satisfying ones, right? :)

Brad said...

Cypher. I wouldn't trust myself with any other powers.