Earth no longer a planet, say Plutonian astronomers.

Pluto City, Pluto (AP) -- Leading Plutonian astronomers declared Thursday that Earth is no longer a planet under historic new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight.

"Fuck those Terran astronomers!" declared the Plutonian Union of Astronomers Supposedly Smart. Their new definition of what is--and isn't--a planet leaves out the Earth, because "those guys are real assholes."

"Who wants a stupid old nearly-round shaped orbit anyway?" asked several PUASS dignitaries. "We refused to be called a 'dwarf' planet! We hereby declare that Earth shall henceforth be known as an 'obese couch potato' suffering from elephantisis!"