Names of the nick variety.

I can't say I've had too many nicknames in my more than half a century here in this universe. Of course, I go by Chuck and not Charles, which is, strictly speaking, a nickname. I should preface my comments here (too late!) by saying I'll be discussing some things that are not strictly a nickname, but I say live it or live with it.

In grade school, I got into a lengthy tirade with my best friend Tommy Prater. We divided our friends into two camps, and mine was called "The Prater Haters." He never found anything to go with Chuck or Kallenbach, so I won that round. Before you get the idea that this became some kind of Lord of the Flies excursion, I think it lasted maybe four days.

I grew up with another kid named Chuck, and for a while we switched off being "Chuck" or "Charles" when we were in the same class. "Chuck" was not a popular name and still isn't, so it was unusual that the two of us would co-exist in such a way.

In Spanish class, there were "Carlos" and "Carlitos," so we continued with that tradition even while my friend Ken became "Alfonso" (no "Kenneth" equivalent en Espanol). Our teacher once signed a card calling me her favorite "Flaco," or skinny guy. Remember, same height, eighty less pounds back then. Less than Brian weighs, and taller.

A couple of high school teachers persisted in calling me "Charles" and even the truly rare "Charlie" even though I told them I preferred "Chuck" and Other Chuck was not in the same class (due to our incredibly huge high school graduating class of over 900... every school I ever went to had a new wing just added on to make room for us, the tail end of the Baby Boomers).

At the height of my high school pretentiousness, I wrote my name out 19 different ways, including such things as "C. Louis Kallenbach," and then decided on "Chuck Kallenbach II" as the final winner. I have used that as nom de choice ever since, although I don't use the number on my resume now as I fear being thought of as pretentious. They'll find that out quick enough when they hire me.

My aunts called me "Chuckie" long before I thought that was a good idea. I remember when LWC and I were Living in Sin in the late 70s that she thought it was sweet when my Aunt Wilma called me "Chuckie" in her presence.

Once at a real old-fashioned traveling carnival a barker called me "Slim," trying to get my attention. I always remembered that for some strange reason. It was a creepy carnival, like a Ray Bradbury novel.

My future father-in-law thought it was funny to call me "Chucky Baby," so that stuck for a while. I think that came from The Gong Show. Clearly a term of endearment from Marvin, and he didn't dole out a lot of those, so he could have called me "Shithead" if he wanted to.

I once got a package from a friend in St. Louis sent to "Blitz Kallenbach," and my roommate in Fort Wayne thought that was a hoot so he called me that for a while. Never really stuck.

A lovely woman co-worker named Betty Carpenter used to call me "Chuckie," and although I don't like that name, she was such a sweetie that I thought it was fine. Nobody else at the time, however.

As time went on, I decided to give credit for originality. I had been called weird things like "Chuck-A-Luck" and heard the Woodchuck riddle more than I cared for over the years, but when Tim called me "Charleston" I had to give him credit for that one.

Leslie Burns called me "Chuckles," and even though LWC says she's called me that in the past, I gave Leslie the go ahead to use that name. But nobody else. I had a box from a chocolate Easter bunny called "Chuckles" on my desk for a while.

Hollywood, never shy to dole out the nicknames, decided to call me "CK for Men" when asking for help from the projection room. I pleaded with him to drop the "for Men" since the gray hair and Hawaiian shirts means I'm walking line of looking like your Uncle Ned who lives with Uncle Ted, if you get my drift. So I get the "CK" a lot, which is cool, I like that. Brian gets "BK" through guilt by association, though.

At my new freelance job, when one of the crazy girls I work with was told my name, she remarked, "His name is Chuck Singlebuck?" in a true misheard lyrics kind of way. So they call me "Singlebuck" at work, definitely original and cool, IMHO. Later, the other crazy girl upgraded me to "Superbuck," which I have to say I appreciate.